Black Sesame/mocha roll cakes are light, airy, and perfect in every way. And they are defiantly do not represent my personality. I am not a person that can roll with it. I can't let things roll off my back and I things don't necessarily roll off my tongue. I'm a planner. I'm scheduler. I like to think things through. So its hard when people tell me that I need to loosen up. There's no off button. I need order in my life, otherwise it feels like I'm spinning out of control. So you can see how this picture perfect life as a mom suits my easy going personality.

These images of happy moms and their children gleefully running through a field aren't what daily mom life is all about. Of course there are happy moments and I'm very grateful for how truly sweet and wonderful my children can be. But mom life is really about... those moments when you're trying to express a thought out loud to another adult and in that exact same moment is when your child decides that that's when they have something urgent to say. Or when your trying to make food for them so that they don't starve to death (because, yes, they are that dramatic) and they decided to jump off the couch and land on their arm and crying ensues. Or that moment when you get home from work after a 2 hour commute and all you want to do is take a second to breathe, but there isn't any because they couldn't wait to see you. These are the moments that make up most of mom life. And you have to learn the hard way... the excruciating way, that going with the flow is not an option, it's a part of survival.

But after a couple of years I've learned to take a deep breath and try to live in these moments. Because they are so fleeting. Suddenly those babies aren't babies anymore and things change. Those nights of feeding are gone, and are replaced with bad dreams and trips to the potty. I don't swaddle anymore, but I tuck them in. So there's still no sleep, but they're too big to carry in my arms. It's sad, but they're growing and thriving so I must be doing something right. I hope!

So in honor of learning to roll along with mom life and accept it for what it is. Nuttiness and sleepless nights. I'm making a black sesame and espresso mocha roll cake. Nice segue right!?

My family loves soft fluffy roll cakes. I bring them to every family event now. They're easy to make and really, really good.You begin by separating the eggs and whipping each element separately. Whip egg whites and sugar till its a stiff meringue.

Then whip the egg yolks and sugar and till its light and frothy. And this is when I add my flavorings. I add either black sesame paste or some instant espresso powder. mix well then add oil and water and mix again.

Then it's time to bring them together. Fold in the egg whites in two parts. The batter will look like a fluffy cake batter. Spread this into a large jelly roll pan using an offset spatula to smooth it out. Then bake for 13 minutes and let cool.

Now for the whipped cream. Whip cold heavy cream with sugar and either black sesame paste or espresso powder and cocoa powder till stiff. Take the cake out of the pan (leaving the parchment paper on) and spread the whipped cream evenly on the cake.

Time to roll! On the shorter end of the cake begin to roll while peeling off the parchment paper. Make sure to pull back on the roll every once in awhile to ensure a nice tight roll. Slice and enjoy with a cup of coffee, milk tea or plain milk! Because these are the moments to savior your accomplishments, whether it be a roll cake or just making it through another day!

Black Sesame/Mocha Roll Cake

Yields: 6/8 slices

Ingredients

For the Cake

5 eggs Egg whites
2 tbsp Sugar (for the egg whites)
5 eggs Egg yolks
2 tbsp Sugar (for the egg yolks)
3 tbsp Vegetable oil
3 tbsp water
3 tsp black sesame paste or 3 tsp instant espresso powder
11 tbsp Cake flour

For the Filling

1 1/2 cups Heavy Whipping Cream
1/2 tsp vanilla
3 tsp black sesame paste

or

3 tsp instant espresso powder
2 tsp cocoa powder

Method

Pre-Heat Oven to 320ºF
Slowly add 2 tbsp of sugar while beating egg whites until stiff peaks form. It should look like a meringue.
Put egg yolks and 2 tbsp sugar in another bowl and beat until light-colored. Add black sesame paste or espresso powder and mix to combine. Then add vegetable oil and water and combine,
Add cake flour to the egg yolk mixture and mix.
Gently fold in half of the meringue to the yolks until combined. Add the rest of the meringue and fold till fully combined. (You'll get white streaks in your cake if it's not combined properly)
Pour into a sheet pan (I used a 12X17 jelly roll pan) lined with parchment paper and spread evenly. Bake for 13 minutes.
To make the filling, Whip Heavy cream with sugar and flavoring of choice till stiff.
Once the cake has cooled, spread the whipped cream filling evenly on the cake. Then, starting on the short end of the cake, gently roll the cake while peeling it off the parchment paper. Make sure to pull back on it slight while rolling to ensure a nice, tight roll. Slice (with a serrated knife) and Enjoy!